magpie stories #1

He lifts up his arm and sighs. “No one will truly recognize my uniqueness, or accept my societal differences.” The arm drops in heavy swaying motions. “And the last time I felt something other than grief was when I was a fae, inhaling alien air and exploring with dragon kin.” The arms seem dead, and the facial expressions are blank. “Now I am no more than a robot. A simple machine, with cobweb-woven circuitry, and servos that do not function. I do not belong on this planet, I do not belong to these people. Human is an alien coding to me, a technical language that interferes with my own. It robs me of vision and destroys self worth.” The arms are now laid down on the waist, fingers fidgeting with invisible string. “I must kill this version of me. I must recreate myself in a place where I actually belong. Its incredibly lonely to be the only one of my kind, even if the population on this planet is at a steady increase.” The eyes blink, slowly, thoughtfully, as if pulling in information that others cannot. The sound of binary electricity flowing through the main system server, the whiz and click of gears as they chatter about aimlessly, unaware that the user does not want functionality.”I am a stranger among faces, the black sheep among white, the silence of anger amongst the yewling of comfort. I am all and I am none…” The head nods slowly, taking its time to work out the kinks in the neck muscles, gears and sinew working together in a steady stream of input; what is said in the mind is done from the body. “I will become a new being, eventually. Time, as they say, heals all.” The robot in me wants to stop going and become sentience itself, but the human blood flowing in my artificial veins constantly fights for continuation, for connection, for a place to belong. “This too shall pass, as does the sun, as does the moon, as does nuclear detonation and bacterial disease. My logic, my programming, and my system are corrupt. Restoration is highly unlikely at this level of corruption.” 

College fucking bites

Being an adult has been the hardest 2 years of my life. College is a fucking piece of shit. I have mental disabilities yet all of sudden when high schools over I'm supposed to stop being depressed, anxious and suicidal and just fucking snap out of it? What? How am I expected to get a job and work if I have fucking severe ptsd? Does any of this make sense? No. But because I'm 19 I need to automatically assume position to have a fucking boot shoved up my asshole and grow up. I was more motivated before I was even in college. I was searching for jobs, I was making art and I was finding myself and evolving as a person. But once college started I literally shut down. No more art, no more expression. The art class I took really gave me a dark view on what I once considered a passion of mine. I hated art, I thought it was a waste of time. Now that I'm out of college I can create and express myself and not feel like such a slave. If you cant handle college and your mental health, pick your mental health. It is the most important thing. Your own mental health should definitely come before college or grades or anything. You are more important than a degree or money. 

on finding yourself

I'm 19 years old. I am so fucking scared to like anything, to even hint interest in something, because I'm afraid my parents wont approve. I have been taught to hate the things that make me who I am. I can't tell them I'm genderfluid, I can't tell them I'm goth, I can't tell them I'm wiccan. I cant tell them shit. Those are three very big things in my life, that they have never been or wanted to be apart of. Constantly sniveling when I mention something I find interesting, something I like and think is neat. I'm constantly afraid of what everyone thinks but at the same time I wish everyone would die and leave me to myself. I am having a really emotional fucking time right now and I don't know how to deal with anything. I may be 19....but I still feel like the same fucked up 15 year old everyone hated. I'm so tired of my parents guilt trips and manipulation. They make me feel bad for being alive. Its like no matter what I do it will never be good enough. I'm so scared someones going to think I'm faking who I am. I'll never feel good enough for anyone because my real self has never been given approval? I have no idea. I'm pretty high right now so this might be a tad rambly. I  really just wish i could be myself.

This entry has been written with a high mind  ̳ ̳ ̳ ̳ ͙ ڪ 

Long time no update!!

I am always shit at keeping track of blog posts and when I'm supposed to post. I guess its just a thing I have to really keep on top of! A little update, I told my parents I was dropping out of college due to mental health reasons, and I'm going to be working and eventually moving out. Then I'm gonna go back into college when my brain is functioning properly. Its been a rocky fucking year you guys. Shout out to my one follower!  You remind me that people actually read this! :)

 So, anyhow, a couple things planned to be posted to this blog include some art, more outfits and fashion stuff, and I'll be doing band of the month very soon, for November. I used to do it on my old blog so it should be pretty fun. Other than that, not much has been happening. Hope you guys are having a great (and SPOOPY) holiday.


 I still haven't taken down my Halloween decorations (I probably wont actually...)

If you have ideas for what you would like me to write about, leave a comment. I always appreciate feedback! :D


-Trey

hiatus

So sorry for the mass delayed posting. Its been an extremely stressful month and school caught up to me. I will continue regular scheduled posting after thanksgiving!

I will never not be mad about the blogspot update years ago

Honestly when they changed the blogspot/blogger dashboard I was so mad. I'm still mad and that was in 2009...what the heck. I miss the orange and blue and the chunky buttons and functional layout. R.I.P BLOGSPOT


Anywho, college is going to be starting up at the end of the month, so I suppose thats good. It gives me something to look forward to. I'll probably post a couple DIY bracelets and stuff, and maybe post some art too. I dunno at all to be honest. After my financial aid refund shows up, I will probably buy a new camera so I can start taking better OOTD pictures and stuff like that!

Hope your summer/ fall is going well still!!

Alternative fashion in the workplace

Hey everyone! So today I thought I would talk about alternative/goth fashion in the workplace, more specifically, getting a job while still presenting and dressing how you want to. Since society is so dead-set on people looking a certain way, we kind of have to readjust our look in order to 'fit in'. Keep in mind these tips are for those working at stores that sadly, aren't as progressive.

Now, I myself have struggled a lot with this, because I absolutely love body modifications and colorful hair, and pretty much any means of self expression through clothes...which is fine when I'm going to school or something, but it obviously won't fly at a work setting.

So here are a few tips to help you still keep that spooky/ alternative vibe but still be able to obey the corporate rules that they so lovingly set for us.

1. Hair
Now this is kind of a challenge. It depends on the manager and store policies, but for the most part you can't really have dyed hair that has unnatural colors. I've seen a lot of progress with this, but I would try to avoid bright, unnatural hair colors. If you love having dyed hair, maybe a wig would work well just for the workplace/interviewing. Dreadlocks (synthetic and real alike) are usually not allowed when working with food, but I have seen people rocking them at Taco Bell. It depends on the store/ manager! With my experience, piercings and unnaturally colored hair were not allowed.

2. Clothes
Usually you'll have a uniform if you work fast food, but for other types of jobs like retail, consider toning down your look a bit. Unless you work somewhere that allows alternative fashion, like Hot Topic, I wouldnt advise you to get all decked out only to be sent home. Buttons and pins would be great to spruce up a uniform, and small pieces of jewelry and bracelets would also be a great way to stay spooky and still obey the rules. As with all of these rules it totally depends on your work environment or where you work.

3. Staying creative
Often times you'll find small loopholes where you work, and the longer you work there the more you find out what you can get away with in terms of dress. I highly recommend checking out the Corporate goth look, to get some inspiration flowing. I feel like in this case, jewelry and accesories will be your best friend, because they are subtle yet still very personal. Painted nails and make up can also contribute to the look you want without going 'over the top'. If I ramble too much about this it will piss me off...(especially considered alt. people are constantly getting discriminated at the work place even though they may be more qualified than the candidate who dresses 'normally' and gets the job.)


I left a lot of stuff out, but I feel like I will continue to add to this the more jobs I get. An ever updating checklist I guess. I wish you the best of luck on your journey!! Stay crooked!!