THIS IS A RANT
Sorry for not posting the past...month. A lot is going on! I don't even know if I'll be able to get into college this year because I will be turning in my FAFSA late, and I already had to appeal to get my financial aid back. The thing is, I don't really care about college. I know its bad, but I just hate the idea that my life is going to be working at some job simply because it pays well. I would rather do what I love. I guess thats the struggle of creative people.
Honestly I wanna tell college to fuck off. To hell with student loans and endless hours of homework. I feel like this is all happening too fast. All of a sudden I'm 19 in college and I'm supposed to be supporting myself. I am not ready. I'm sure some of you are in the exact same boat I'm in. It sucks. Its a big struggle. The fact that I'm still trying to really figure out who I am and what I wanna do doesnt really help either. Its like I can't do anything right. I'm so fucking freaked out about my body image. I'm supposed to be strong and look male. I look like shit. I can't get the weight off that I've gained. I used to look good and now I look like shit. I'm trying to eat right and exercise but with the depression its really hard. I honestly just want to crawl under a rock.
As mental as it sounds, I would rather be in high school right now. I have no fucking idea what I want to do with my life. I dont wanna magically pick out a career and hope it'll be some succeseful bullshit. I want to be myself and find who I am. I want to meet friends and explore the world. Not be tied down by some bullshit education system thats literally costing me thousands. Fuck you financial aid and fuck you corrupt money costing stupid fucking stupid bullshit.
I wish people would just get off my ass about everything. I'm just as confused as I ever was, and growing up is shit. I look like shit, feel like shit, and have no motivation whatsoever. Fuck this.
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